proximity.

:This feeling of being in proximity to something that’s lost to you, it seems like my whole life right now.  ~Adam Johnson, Fortune Smiles:



I've successfully completed my first couple of weeks returning to work on the North Slope oilfield in Alaska, and I have to say I'm pretty proud of my bionic leg.  There have been a few uncomfortable days, some minor swelling, and my pimp walk has made itself known more than a couple times... But I feel confident in saying all that hard work at physical therapy has paid off and I'm doing far better than I thought I would with a freshly rebuilt leg. 

My welcome back was warm and friendly, and I've told my "how I fell down a mountain" story more than enough times. Honestly, it's a pretty cool story that I may never want to tell again. That's how many times I've told it...I've truly missed the people of this place and have enjoyed catching up with everyone. I'm quite the local celebrity these days, and I hope my hardcore reputation is something I can keep up after all the hype dies down. 

But like most everything else in my life, what I'm actually thinking about these days is all the things that people aren't saying. Or maybe more what I'm not saying when people ask me how I've been. What I want to say is... Are we actually friends?... Am I just the best gossip going on in camp now, or do you actually care about what happened in my life? Have you read my blog? Do you have any idea what a dark place I've come out of?... Because I'm doing so amazingly well these days. But I've come out of one of the darkest times of my life. So if you're my friend... Where were you?

And the answer is yes...Yes they care... These people, for the most part, and good people. I have no doubt that their concern is genuine and real. I don't doubt that they are happy to see me back and have missed me. The feeling is mutual.  

They're just friends of proximity. 

Let me explain...

If there is no physical proximity, there is no friendship. When I'm gone from here we don't talk. I rarely think about most of them and I'm sure they rarely think about me. It's easy to be amicable and friendly to people when you see them several times a day. We share stories about kids and travel. We share hopes and dreams. We share disappointments...frustrations.

It really builds a feeling of kinship and camaraderie. 

But is it real?...

I've spent several hours reading over case studies about this trying to prove my point, and while I have read some interesting things...I didn't find what I was looking for. I guess maybe I'll just have to do a case study myself. The slope is truly a perfect place for this kind of information. So, until then, I guess I'll just have to go on the working theory I have...

There will be people that come in and out of your life, and I think thats a normal process of the world we live in. There will be friends of proximity... but there will inevitably be something deeper as well. There will be people you love that you will love forever. No matter the time, or distance. No matter the arguments or falling out. If you see them everyday, or if they walk away from your life and you never see them again. It makes no difference. 

The funny thing is, sometimes you just never know who those people will be. Over the last few months I've been amazed that the people I thought would be my forever people are actually just friends of proximity, and the proximity people have become some of my dearest companions. My heart grieves and is moved by all the in betweens and losses, by the subtle brushes with people, and by the digging in and being determined to never give up on others. 

When it comes down to it...I guess I never want to be a friend of proximity, although I know I am in a lot of relationships. I want to know your story and be there when you need a friendly ear. Or a smiling face. Sometimes life isn't about grand gestures and laying your life on the line for someone. It's the constant pat on the back and a friendly good morning at the coffee bar. It's that I know your wife wants another baby and you feel freaked out about it, or that your son wrote a book and I downloaded it on my kindle so we can talk about it...Or that you ask about my kids because you know what it's like to miss your family.

These are proximity things...the things we learn everyday about each other. Sometimes they will grow. Sometimes they won't. 

And we'll just never know until we get there.